Funny Cat Saying You Will Die

Will and Guy's quotes about cats researched from comedians, literature and films.

I got rid of my husband. The cat was allergic.

• Top Ten
  Fascinating, Funny Sayings About Cats
• Are You a Cat Person?
• Funny Cats' Sayings (and
  a Few Dogs')

Contents

• • • 0.0.0.1
• 1 Our Top TenFascinating, Funny Sayings About Cats
• 2 Cat At War
• 3 Five Favourite and FunCat Quotations
• 4 Cat or Dog?
• 5 Funny Cat Sayings (And aFew Dogs!)
• 6 Cat Says No No No
• 7 Cat Boxes
• 8 ThoughtProvoking Cat Quotes by Carl Van Vechten
• 9 Top10 Cat Names
• 10 The Naming of Cats
• 11 A Cat in an Empty Apartment by Wislawa Szymborska
• 12 Joke of the Day Email
• 13 Thought of the Day Subscription
• 14 See more funny cat stories, pictures and videos

Our Top Ten
Fascinating, Funny Sayings About Cats

1. There is no snooze button on a cat who wants breakfast.
2. I got rid of my husband.  The cat was allergic.
3. Never feed your cat anything that doesn't match the carpet.
4. You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh,
   have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"
5. "Humans: No fur, no paws, no tail. They run away from mice. They
   never get enough sleep. How can you help but love such an absurd
   animal?" Anonymous cat about humans
6. Anything on the ground is a cat toy.  Anything not there yet,
   will be.
7. For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by
   a cat.
   
8. Cats are like potato chips.  You can never have just one.
9. Some people who have cats go on to lead normal lives.
10. Cat's motto, "No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make
    it look as if the dog did it."

Cat At War

See more comic cat pictures.

Five Favourite and Fun
Cat Quotations

1. A cat has absolute emotional honesty. Ernest Hemingway
2. The smallest feline is a masterpiece. Leonardo Da Vinci
3. Cats invented self-esteem. Erma Bombeck
4. I gave my cat a bath the other day... they love it.  He sat
   there, he enjoyed it, it was fun for me. The fur would stick to my
   tongue, but other than that .... Steve Martin
5. Way down deep, we're all motivated by the same urges.  Cats
   have the courage to live by them. Jim Davis (Garfield creator)

Cat or Dog?

Whose Side Are You On?
If you're much like a cat, there's something to learn from the dogs:
loyalty, courage, and an unconditionally loving and positive attitude, for
example.

If you're much like a dog, there's something to learn from the cats:
independence, dignity, mutual respect and being yourself, for instance.

If you aren't at all like a cat and not at all like a dog, then we think
there may well be something you can learn from both.

Funny Cat Sayings (And a
Few Dogs!)

• I am as vigilant as a cat to steal cream. William
  Shakespeare, Henry IV
• "All right", said the Cat, and this time it vanished quite slowly,
  beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which
  remained some time after the rest of it had gone. Lewis
  Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland
• So much time, so little to do... Garfield The Movie (2004)
• 'I hate Mondays.' Garfield The Movie (2004)
• Love me, feed me, never leave me.  Garfield The Movie
  (2004)
• Cats' hearing apparatus is built to allow the human voice to easily
  go in one ear and out the other. Stephen Baker
• The mathematical probability of a common cat doing exactly as it
  pleases is the one scientific absolute in the world. Lynn M.
  Osband
• Dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one
  of them is making a poop, the other's carrying it for him, who would you
  assume is in charge?  Jerry Seinfeld
• The noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites
  it. Laurence J. Peter. (I like this one says Will).

Cat Says No No No

Cat Boxes

Thought
Provoking Cat Quotes by Carl Van Vechten

• A cat is never vulgar.
• An ordinary kitten will ask more questions than any five-year-old.
• As an inspiration to the author, I do not think the cat can be
  over-estimated. He suggests so much grace, power, beauty, motion,
  mysticism.
• I do not wonder that many writers love cats; I am only surprised
  that all do not.
• The cat, it is well to remember, remains the friend of man because
  it pleases him to do so and not because he must.
• There is, indeed, no single quality of the cat that man could not
  emulate to his advantage.

Extracts from Carl Van Vechten's 1922 book:  "Tiger in the house".

Top
10 Cat Names

The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter.  T.S. Elliot, "The
Naming of Cats" Old Possum's Book of Practical Cats.

1. Kitty
2. Smokey
3. Shadow
4. Tiger (Tigger)
5. Boo (Boo Boo)
6. Molly
7. Spike
8. Princess
9. Patches
10. Sam  (Samantha)

Another Batch of Popular Cat Names

• Whiskers
• Fluffy
• Katie
• Blackie
• Coco
• Bandit
• Lady
• Misty
• Morris
• Casey

The Naming of Cats

The Naming of Cats is a difficult matter,
It isn't just one of your
holiday games;
You may think at first I'm as mad as a hatter
When I
tell you, a cat must have three different names
First of all, there's the
name that the family use daily,
Such as Peter, Augustus, Alonzo or James,
Such as Victor or Jonathan, or George or Bill Bailey -
All of them
sensible everyday names.

There are fancier names if you think they sound
sweeter,
Some for the gentlemen, some for the dames:
Such as Plato,
Admetus, Electra, Demeter -
But all of them sensible everyday names.

But I tell you, a cat needs a name that's particular,
A name that's
peculiar, and more dignified,
Else how can he keep up his tail
perpendicular,
Or spread out his whiskers, or cherish his pride?
Of
names of this kind, I can give you a quorum,
Such as Munkustrap, Quaxo,
or Coricopat,
Such as Bombalurina, or else Jellylorum -
Names that
never belong to more than one cat.
But above and beyond there's still one
name left over,
And that is the name that you never will guess;
The
name that no human research can discover -
But the cat himself knows, and
will never confess.

When you notice a cat in profound meditation,
The
reason, I tell you, is always the same:
His mind is engaged in a rapt
contemplation
Of the thought, of the thought, of the thought of his name:
His ineffable effable
Effanineffable
Deep and inscrutable singular
Name.

By T S Elliot

Footnote:
Please write to Will and Guy if you have any funny cat
sayings.  For example, Simon Mazik sent this:

A Cat in an Empty Apartment by Wislawa Szymborska

Die? One does not do that to a cat.
Because what's a cat to do
in
an empty apartment?
Climb the walls.
Caress against the furniture.
It seems that nothing has changed here,
but yet things are different.
Nothing appears to have been relocated,
yet everything has been shuffled
about.
The lamp no longer burns in the evenings.

Footsteps can be heard on the stairway,
but they're not the ones.
The hand which puts the fish on the platter
is not the same one which
used to do it.

Something here does not begin
at its usual time.
Something does not
happen quite
as it should
Here someone was and was,
then suddenly
disappeared
and now is stubbornly absent.

All the closets were peered into.
The shelves were walked through.
The rug was lifted and examined.
Even the rule about not scattering
papers was violated.

What more is to be done?
Sleep and wait.

Let him return,
at least make a token appearance.
Then he'll learn
that one shouldn't treat a cat like this.
He will be approached
as
though unwillingly,
slowly,
on very offended paws.
With no
spontaneous leaps or squeals at first.

Translated by Walter Whipple.

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